She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
