I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
