Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize