i barfeds in our rink
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
