we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i think im in europe. pls send help
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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