we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
