i love accidental penises.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
