Swine flu is the new snow day.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
