Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She announced her abortion via fbk
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
