you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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