Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
