It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize