bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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