Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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