youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
