i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
