i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
