tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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