Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
