Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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