You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
