when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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