I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Do vagina's smell?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
