I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize