the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
