you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
