he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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