when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
