My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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