I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
