Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
