oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
