I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
