I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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