Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
