Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
