My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
