Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
