Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
