Having a random hookup so left but love u
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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