non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
