well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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