sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
