Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize