i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
