Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
