I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
