Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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