I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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