I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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