I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
