he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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