I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
