i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I need to stop coming to work sober
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
