I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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