fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
