i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
