So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
