They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
