i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
