please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize