you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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