Michael Bay diarrhea
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
