So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize