i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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