you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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