You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize