is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
