ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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