That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
