very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
