He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
