it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
