The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
its not stalking. its research.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize