they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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