My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
