Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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