Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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