sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
