I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
